Perfect Meditation

Ok, the other day I was researching some information about Holo Sync and I came across a huge discussion board about the difference between Holo Sync and Perfect Meditation. Most of the people on the board said they thought Perfect Meditation was better!! So I went and checked it out. A lot less fanfare, a lot less hype -- and WAY cheaper, too.

I bought the first level for my birthday (yes, it's best if I buy my own presents in this house!) and have been using it for 3 days. There are two versions, because they say that the crystal bowls is too strong for most people to use every day. I used it today and I had to go lay down for an hour afterwards. I'm seriously relaxed, but kind of out of it.

I love love love the chanting on these CD's, much better than the rain of Holo Sync. Never thought I'd say that, as I love the sound of rain. But it is nice to hear Om Mani Padme Hum for 1/2 hour every day.

So far so good!!

holo-sync

I've started meditating with Holo-sync. You know, those ads where they say you just have to listen to their CD's and you'll be meditating like a Buddhist monk in no time?? I'm not super susceptible to those ads, because I actually enjoy silent sitting meditation. But a friend of mine raved about them, so I decided to order the demo tape. The demo tape is this wonderful sound of rain and crystal bowls -- unfortunately with a long sales pitch over the top. They are kind enough to give you about five minutes at the end just with the background sounds.

The first time I used it, I felt really weird. I liked it! The next time I used it right before bed and woke up with a super creative idea, and I had no idea where it came from! I love this CD!!

Unfortunately, I can't afford to buy the real deal. It's about $175, and then your brain gets used to it in about 6 months and you go to the next level, etc. But I love it so much that I'm a total dork and listen to the dumb demo CD every day. I try (Oh, I try!) to just tune out the annoying sales pitch. You KNOW I must love it if I'm listening to the sales pitch every day! Anyway, if you have total disposable income to waste on something unnecessary, this is your product! Trust me, it'll get you WAY farther than a new iPhone.

Getting back to basics

I've gotten away from my daily practice. It's so easy to do! I took Laurie's meditation class the other day and it was great to have the energy of the group again. I had signed up for another daylong on April 18th - this next Saturday - and I need the new motivation so bad. But thinking about it, I realized I really can't go! My husband works on Saturdays, and I would need a babysitter literally all day. It's not only the expense of that, but also the guilt of leaving my kids with someone else all day long just so I can go meditate. Here's where balancing the mystical with the mundane really hits the road.

So what's a girl trapped in the mundane to do? There's really only one solution, just like eating less is the only solution to being overweight. Sit. We want there to be some magical solution, some way that we can reach the goal faster, quicker, less painlessly. But there isn't a magic pill. The only solution to not sitting is to have the discipline to sit.

Yes, I'm posting this at 5 am. I've been up since 3 am. Insomnia and I are old friends. I got woken up by my son, and then spent some time lying in bed thinking about death. It's weird to get clarity that I AM going to have that experience, that what is a mystery to me today will someday be revealed. Meditation helps reduce fear for me, because it gives a peek into that world beyond all my swirling thoughts, that world where some higher consciousness takes over. And it's calm there, not scary. And I need to be in touch with it more. And the answer to that....

Just sit.

Meditation and "Right Livelihood"

One of the reasons I began a committed meditation practice was because I realized, in the course of my training as a Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy Practitioner, that I needed it so badly. For one, I wasn't as in touch with myself as I'd like to be. I'm very in touch with myself on a "head" level, but so much of that is just ego. Secondly, I realized that I couldn't be at my best as a practitioner if I wasn't settled in my own self.

And so I began, and it has been helping so much. I have gotten feedback, though - more than once - that I seem to start showing up in the session about 20 minutes in. This isn't a mystery to me. I have two kids, own two businesses and have innumerable errands. If I have 1/2 hour between engagements, I'm trying to fit three errands in there. I block out time for my sessions, but arrive to do the session - and then REALLY arrive about 20 minutes in.

This morning, I decided to do it different. I dropped off my son at preschool at 9, and had a session at 9:30. I drove straight to my office and sat in meditation for 25 minutes before my session. First I just calmed myself and worked with the breath. I noticed the panicky, stressed out feeling in my chest and worked on it with my breath. I noticed a tendency to think I'm somehow not "enough", or the process is not "enough" for my client. I rested again in awareness that I had all that I needed for my client - that the process would provide her with exactly what she needed today. I thought about her life, probably as busy as mine, and how just sitting silently - if that's all that happened - would be such a gift to her. I sent her lovingkindness.

And we had an amazing session. I was "on" from the first moment, feeling my own body and senses, and being able to allow myself to give her the space and silence to settle in. I felt no need to fill in the spaces. I felt like we were almost moving together, in a silent, healing meditation - the healer being healed by healing. It was truly amazing.

And made me think of this quote by Jon Kabat-Zinn:

"It is indeed a radical act of love just to sit down and be quiet for a time by yourself"

Indeed.

Visit to Spirit Rock Meditation Center

I've recently returned from my first daylong meditation retreat at Spirit Rock Meditation Center.

First, I know a lot of people from my spiritual fellowship will read this and I want to address the idea of meditation for those people first. Awhile back, my aunt came directly to me to ask me why I was meditating and what it was all about - I really appreciated the directness. The fact is, most Christians do not understand meditation and have a lot of misconception about why to do it, or whether it is threatening to their faith. There ARE some meditations that are distinctly spiritual, or where mantras or phrases are "given to you" by someone else. That's not the kind of meditation that I do. I do traditional Insight Meditation, and first learned it in a book called "Buddhist Insight Meditation for Christians". The main purpose of this type of meditation is to be fully in the present moment. For most of us, our minds are so busy thinking and 'making up stories' about us and the world, that we are rarely fully alive or fully present for what is happening right now. It is common knowledge to realize that many of the situations which arise for us are not in themselves problematic -- it's our reaction to them that is problematic. The technique that is used in Insight Meditation is to simply concentrate on an object (usually your breath, but it can also be the sound of the rain, or your feet on the floor, or whatever), and every time you catch yourself thinking, you go back to the object of your concentration. You will find your mind wanders a million times, but over time, you can train your mind to stop thinking about life so much and just be in life, this very moment. There are a few reasons why I think this is useful for those practicing the Christian faith (or any of us, really). When we can really be in the present moment, we stop being so reactive. When we are less reactive, we can live more in line with our real values, have less regrets about our behaviors, be really in touch with our intentions at all times. Also, when you quiet down your jumpy mind, you are in a much better position to pray, or communicate with God. It makes it a lot easier to hear a "still small voice" (whatever that is for you) when your mind is not hopping in a million different directions. I'm not suggesting that everyone from my faith start meditating -- but I do want to allay fears that it is somehow a 'weird' or 'worldly' practice.

On to my visit to Spirit Rock -

As you drive in the gates, there is a yield sign that says "Yield to the Present", which I thought was just great! They have a wonderful bookstore and lots of information about upcoming retreats. The daylongs are held in the community hall and you bring your own lunch. This particular retreat was a series of sitting meditations, walking meditations, question and answer periods and talks by the instructors. One of the instructors was Will Kabat-Zinn. Most of my meditation knowledge comes from the books and tapes I have that were written by his father, Jon Kabat-Zinn. So I was excited to be working with him, and he is the type of person who is so profound, you just want to speed write every single thing that comes out of his mouth.

The instructors invited us to have a day of silence, a day where we didn't have to get to know the person next to us, or be "social" in any way. I appreciated this, because I think I act social without even realizing I'm doing it, and probably would have done so. But I took them up on their invitation and remained silent. It was really nice to spend the day with myself this way.

My main problem has been that my legs go numb in sitting meditation. They had meditation benches available for use there. I've wondered if that would work, but didn't want to spend the money to buy one, only to find that it wasn't comfortable either! So I tried one, and it was so much better that I actually bought one in their store! It's very handy and I'm so pleased to have another option in sitting meditation.

The downers were that it was pouring rain all day. So normally you get to do the walking meditations on the outside trails, which are in a beautiful nature location. We had to do ours in circles in the room we were in. I'm looking forward to going back in a warmer season for that. Also, their parking lot is set up so that some of the spaces are doubles -- in other words, you pull in and someone parks behind you. I didn't realize that because it was raining so hard when I got there. Of course, I parked in front of the nicest person there, who insisted on staying until every last pillow was put away! So I recommend looking for a single parking space!!

Anyway, the upshot is that it has refreshed my meditation practice and given me lots of inspiration for why I should continue to practice. Also, it assured me that I'm on the right track when I'm teaching my weekly beginning meditation class. Can't wait to go again!!!

Finishing out the month

So two days ago, I had a yoga therapy session, at least 1/2 hour of which was guided meditation. I decided to let this be enough for the day, because those sessions are so deep and what I really needed was a bit more lightness.

Last night I meditated when the kids when to bed, and plan to do the same tonight. Tomorrow, I'm going to a guided meditation at the studio...

So it's the end of January. I made a very special effort to meditate every single day in January, because I wanted to form more of a habit, and also because I was a member of WoYoPracMo (World Yoga Practice Month) and wanted to be in the drawing to win a prize (just being honest here!!).

My plan going forward is to meditate as regularly as possible. But I don't want my meditation practice to be just another thing that is stressing me out!! So I am not going to be dogmatic about it. Also, I won't be writing on this blog every single day like I did in January. You can expect an occasional update, or updates whenever I've had interesting or noteworthy experiences. I'm excited with how my "year of meditation" is going so far, and look forward to seeing what the other 11 months will have to bring.

last night

So last night I had a hard time calming down. I usually do after a day full of clients and their "stuff". So I did the 4-7-8 breathing method. You breathe in for four counts; hold your breath for seven; and then breathe out for eight. I've been told not to do more than seven rounds but I'm not sure why. Anyway, I'm always much calmer after doing seven rounds. Then I started to meditate. Obviously it hadn't done the trick. About ten minutes in, I laughed at a joke I had told earlier in the day. Laughed at my own joke!! What a joke. How powerful the ego is, trying to make it's face seen in places where it doesn't belong. Ugh. Anyway, that shocked me into deeper concentration and the rest went well.

On another note, my husband took issue with my previous post that he "wasn't paying a bit of attention" to where the kids were when I was meditating. I feel the need to make it clear that while I still don't think he noticed that my 4 year old had wandered upstairs into my meditation, it's not like he was sitting on the couch eating chips and watching football. He was very busy doing paperwork for our yoga studio - in general, he works his tail off for no compensation whatsoever. So I didn't want y'all to think I was somehow complaining about him. I was irritated, yes, but would I trade him? For ANYTHING? The answer, my friends, is no.